I Think I Have Found the Perfect Living Will

From here

I _________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass seventh-grade biology if their life depended on it, or the hands of the doctors/lawyers who want to run up my already huge hospital bill. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Guinness
A Medium Rare Steak

A Terry Pratchett novel

Bladerunner and the Remote

My 1911-A1

Reloading goodies

Fresh boxes of .223

A Denver omlette with home fries
Cheese

or Sex

it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such determination is reached I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. Note: if the “Rev.” Jesse Jackson shows up at my bedside, someone, please just shoot me and make it quick. At this point, it’s time to call simply ask my friends to raise their glasses and toast the good times we had, preferably after an honorary range match. Don’t buy flowers. Give the money to a good conservative military organization. . . . if there’s any left.

 

Signature: ___________________________

Date: ___________________________